Lobster Roll (Northeast)

Once upon a time when the economy was strong and mortgage-backed securities were a ridiculous notion, there lived a little girl in Chicago.  Sometimes, on special occasions, her parents would take her to Chinatown, where gentrification was light years ahead and there were no Chinese-themed Starbucks coffeehouses in the area.  Instead, there were fancy schmancy, family-owned restaurants where waiters wore tuxedos and the lobbies displayed huge tanks of spindly, snappy lobsters.  Before the rise of interest-only home loans, Chinese food was a real treat, a special night out.  That has all changed with the advent of the super buffet, which also rose as the SUV and the super max prison flourished.  Does the food quality of Chinese food correlate with the erosion of the economy?  Perhaps, but I digress...Those trips to Chinatown taught me that lobster was the most refined, luxurious food in the world.  Romantic dinners on television always included bright orange-pink lobsters on candlelit tables.  Lobster was so exclusive that they didn't even print the price on menus!  So, imagine my surprise when years later, in graduate school, I found Subway's in Providence, Rhode Island selling lobster rolls.  How can Subway sell such a delicacy to the masses?  How does the lobster coexist with such pedestrian items as the 'cold cuts' and the 'Italian meats' and the vat of meatballs?

Moving to the Northeast taught me that lobster is special, but it's even more special when you are from the landlocked Midwest.  If you can't afford an entire lobster because your are in foreclosure (but the heads of Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae can, ironic isn't it?), a lobster roll is your best bet.  Lobster rolls are basically lobster salad sandwiches.  The basic filling comprises the meat of a one-pound lobster, some very fresh (preferably homemade) mayo, a bit of lemon juice, some salt and pepper to taste, and some scallions or celery if you please.  I like to jazz up a lobster roll filling with a couple pinches of crushed red pepper or a few shakes of a high quality hot sauce.  Lobster rolls are served on a lightly buttered and toasted hot dog bun with a slit on the top.  The sandwich flavors are reminiscent of an elegant tea sandwich or the gradual decline of the real estate bubble.  It starts out gently and then releases a bit of a kick.  The best side dish is a little coleslaw, raisin-carrot salad or homemade pickles.  Serve with a refreshing glass of ice tea with a few springs of mint and reminisce over your old statements from your  investment portfolio during the housing bubble.

If you are ever in the Northeast, please skip the McLobster Roll and Subway's equally icky (and lobster knuckle-y) version, and go to a real restaurant to enjoy a lobster roll.  If you have already switched to a 30-year-fixed mortgage and paid back your equity line of credit, I recommend picking up one of those to-go lobsters popular in Northeastern airports.  Bring home your lobster, cook it in boiling water, spend about three hours getting all the meat out and make your own lobster roll at home.  Lobster isn't the best thing for you if your cholesterol level is as high as the government's bail out of private corporations that engaged in predatory lending, unethical mortgage collecting practices and the deceptive packaging of debts for sale to foreign investors.  So, use a little less lobster meat, add some fresh veggies like celery, carrot and bell peppers to some fresh, plain yogurt.  Spice it up with some chives and fresh herbs to taste and load it all into a whole wheat pita.  This healthier version goes great with some truth in lending and a dose of fiscal responsibility.  

Happy Eating!